Monday, June 29, 2009

And Baby makes....Joy!

Rewind 3 years. It is August and I sit writing in my journal by the lake on our family vacation:

"God has changed my heart. How else can I describe it? I do not just have a different viewpoint. My heart is full and it is God who has filled it with his Truth from His Word. He has turned my heart toward my children. (Malachi 4:6) Given me clear vision for their education. Opened my closed heart and mind to the blessing of more children. He has freed me from the fear of depression with this Scripture: "

"Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O Earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones... Lift up your eyes and look around; all your sons gather and come to you. 'As surely as I live,' declares the Lord, 'you will wear them all as ornaments; you will put them on, like a bride. The children born during your bereavement will yet say in your hearing, 'This place is too small for us; give us more space to live in'. Then you will say in your heart, 'Who bore me these?' I was bereaved and barren; I was exiled and rejected. Who brought these up?" Isaiah 49:13-21

God was challenging me to stop living in fear and regret. "Oh, we can't have more children because Cadi is so difficult and it might make her worse, plus I can't have a baby and take an antidepressant, plus I could end up with postpartum depression...."etc. He was challenging me to leave Acadia in His hands. Who was I to say that another sibling would be bad for her?
I did not know then that my "bereavement" would not only be the depression that our family battles, but also 2 miscarriages in the next two years, and an emotionally difficult pregnancy. I also did not know the depth of joy that a child can bring, when God chooses to bless in the midst of difficult situations.

Immediately after Beatrix was born she was quiet and alert and looking up into our faces. A week or two later she started smiling while she looked into our eyes. It really didn't matter that newborns are not supposed to smile. She was blessing our family with joy in a way that nothing else could.

She is now 4 and 1/2 months old and learning to laugh. We laugh at her as she jumps and jumps in her "jolly jumper". Acadia and Lily change diapers, sing lullabies, and are fantastic babysitters already. God obviously knew what he was doing, and our growing family is simply a portrait of His grace.
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1 comment:

Sarah said...

At any rate, I liked some of the NIH cartoons on VADLO search engine!