The last several months have been some rough seas for my kids. In December we went to NIH for updates in the research protocols that the girls are involved in, and they told us that Lily has ADHD. Finding that out seemed to trigger depression in her and she has really struggled with anger, sadness, and frustration in addition to attention problems. Acadia has not been very stable and her nighttime anxiety has become OCD. All of this has made homeschooling very difficult to say the least. Having two kids at home together trying to do math while riding emotional tides and attentional tire swings is a perfect storm. Throw in a vocal toddler who wants to be in the middle of everything and the S.S. Homeschooling starts going down.
We have decided not to go down with the ship. I love homeschooling, when it is what it is intended to be: A nurturing environment where kids can learn and grow. But it has become something else. And it has not been good. I care too deeply about the emotional health of each of my little girls to pretend that we can just continue this way.
This is a big leap for me. I have not thought about sending my kids to school before. I feel like I have been brought to this moment and then given the grace to make the decision and move forward.
While Dan and I were in the process of discussing this, I was reminded of a song I have loved for some time. It’s a reminder of who is in the midst of the “perfect storm” and that the safest place to be is out on the waves with the God who controls them, not clinging to the boat that is sinking fast.
Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You you'll never win
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
Voice of Truth ~Casting Crowns