Tuesday, September 18, 2007


The tide is high and the swing is up today. The problem is it took me the whole day to figure this out. This morning school was kind of rough, Acadia was dropping or throwing her pencil every two minutes, banging herself on the head every time she made a mistake and saying "Stupid me, stupid me," over and over. She wore camo pants, a red and blue shirt, my dangly earrings, and a baseball cap. She was intense and explosive. She hit me with something on the head from behind. Her handwriting looked completely different from yesterday's work. When Lily saw a car she liked, Cadi said, "Yeah, well, it's nothing like the cars I design. My cars are way cooler than that." She has drawn maybe two cars? And now she "designs" them? A little grandiose I think my dear.
She wanted to go swimming in her shorts and t-shirt, because she couldn't find her bathing suit. We told her no, because she has a cold and it's too chilly. She got angry and said she was going to go anyway. So she headed for the pool and Dan went after her. While he took the ladder out of the pool, she hopped in over the side... splash! A while later I went looking for her and she was on top of the shed. I have no idea why she was up there.
Of course it wasn't until after the pdoc (psychiatrist) appt. that she pulled the pool and shed thing and I figured out she was hypo manic. I described some of Acadia's behavior, but I just didn't feel like I was able to give a good objective perspective of what her mood is like right now. Sometimes I just get so confused. I wish we were at the point where they could just do brain scans whenever we went in and then treat her based on what her brain activity looked like. They are getting close with research, but it's still off in the misty, mysterious, untouchable future somewhere.
The doc and I talked about this clinical study we're pursuing. She feels strongly that Acadia should qualify for it, and that it would be helpful for her. But the research assistants said that the study was for bipolar kids who had distinct depressive and hypo manic episodes that last at least 4 days. I had told the research team that I thought her episodes were shorter than that, and even switching a couple of times in one day. The pdoc agreed with that but said that she also has the longer episodes and mixed episodes. So now we have the pdoc telling the researchers one thing and the scatterbrained mom telling them another! I feel like smiling and nodding. I have to put the whole research thing in God's hands. I really have no idea if it's the way we should go or not, but it may not end up even being a possibility, so there's no point in worrying about it. Reminds me of a song. Hmm...Susan Ashton maybe?
It's in my father's hands
and I have no fear
There's no point making plans
When His hands can steer
So why should I so small and frail
Carry life's demands
When He can see where I might fail
And where I might stand..
It's in my Father's hands.


Anonymous said...

Amen to the song. Hang in there. So often we say, "if you don't know a thing to do, don't do a thing." Soon things clear and the next step shows-don't always know what's in store tho. :) God does add in some curves.
I lost your "growing gift" on facebook-couldn't figure out all what to check, etc, sorry.

annamade said...

I used to spend a lot of time on top of our chicken coop when I was little. I'd stare up at the stars and think the whole world was before me. It's been a long time since I've climbed up on top of any buildings!