Friday, October 19, 2007

"...strengthen me according to your word." Ps 119:28

I've been holding back the tears. I take deep breaths and think about God's word. He whispers to me phrases from scripture, mostly from Psalm hem me in behind and know when I sit and when I perceive my thoughts from afar....where can I go from your presence...all my days were ordained by you before one of them came to be.... and I remember that these are true for Acadia as well.

How do you fly your child to another state, and then fly back without her? How do you leave your daughter with strangers? How do you go on with life without your child, when your child has been your life??? I don't know the answers. I only know that God has opened a door that we have decided to walk through and I don't know what's on the other side. There is one thing that I cling to: He will be there with her. He will hold her and never let her go. She will be hemmed in by the presence of the God who made her and knows her best. She will be okay. God's plan for her life is not about me anymore. In fact He apparently has a plan for her life that needs to happen away from me for awhile. I know all this. But it's hard to swallow.

Acadia will be starting the research program at NIH around the first week in November. It's the best care she could have at the best hospital in the world. We couldn't ask for anything more, except to be together. But we've been together and that hasn't been working. She needs more. And God has given us a way to give her exactly what she needs.
He will give me what I need too.

1 comment:

Kate said...

Dear one,
I have been having a tearful morning remembering all that Chl has been through...I just read your post here. I am tearing up again. I have had a taste of what you're feeling...may I say that you will find that His strength and grace to be enough in the moment you need it. I am praying for you guys, thankful that He had led you to a decision. Let me know if I can meet you again! I love you and am so thankful that God brought us back together after many years. Love, hugs and prayers...